Tips on How To Pay For College

You comfort them over a skinned knee in the playground, and sing them to sleep with a soothing lullaby. But being a nurturing mother is not just about emotional care, "it pays dividends by determining the size of your child’s brain, scientists say."

Shocking: According to neurologists the sizeable difference between these two brains has one primary cause – the way were treated by their mothers

Both of these images are brain scans of a two three-year-old children, but the brain on the left is considerably larger, has fewer spots and less dark areas, compared to the one on the right.

According to neurologists this sizeable difference has one primary cause – the way each child was treated by their mothers.

But the child with the shrunken brain was the victim of severe neglect and abuse.

Babies’ brains grow and develop as they interact with their environment and learn how to function within it.

When babies’ cries bring food or comfort, they are strengthening the neuronal pathways that help them learn how to get their needs met, both physically and emotionally. But babies who do not get responses to their cries, and babies whose cries are met with abuse, learn different lessons.

The neuronal pathways that are developed and strengthened under negative conditions prepare children to cope in that negative environment, and their ability to respond to nurturing and kindness may be impaired.

According to research reported by the newspaper, the brain on the right in the image above worryingly lacks some of the most fundamental areas present in the image on the left.

The consequences of these deficits are pronounced – the child on the left with the larger brain will be more intelligent and more likely to develop the social ability to empathise with others.

This type of severe, global neglect can have devastating consequences. The extreme lack of stimulation may result in fewer neuronal pathways available for learning.

The lack of opportunity to form an attachment with a nurturing caregiver during infancy may mean that some of these children will always have difficulties forming meaningful relationships with others. But studies have also found that time played a factor–children who were adopted as young infants have shown more recovery than children who were adopted as toddlers.

But in contrast, the child with the shrunken brain will be more likely to become addicted to drugs and involved in violent crimes, much more likely to be unemployed and to be dependent on state benefits.

The child is also more likely to develop mental and other serious health problems.

Some of the specific long-term effects of abuse and neglect on the developing brain can include:

• Diminished growth in the left hemisphere, which may increase the risk for depression
• Irritability in the limbic system, setting the stage for the emergence of panic disorder and posttraumatic stress disorder
• Smaller growth in the hippocampus and limbic abnormalities, which can increase the risk for dissociative disorders and memory impairments
• Impairment in the connection between the two brain hemispheres, which has been linked to symptoms of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder

Professor Allan Schore, of UCLA, told The Sunday Telegraph that "if a baby is not treated properly in the first two years of life, it can have a fundamental impact on development."

He pointed out that the genes for several aspects of brain function, including intelligence, cannot function.

And sadly there is a chance they may never develop and come into existence.

These have concerning implications for neglected children that are taken into care past the age of two.

It also seems that the more severe the mother’s neglect, the more pronounced the damage can be.

The images also have worrying consequences for the childhood neglect cycle – often parents who, because their parents neglected them, do not have fully developed brains, neglect their own children in a similar way.

But research in the U.S. has shown the cycle can be successfully broken if early intervention is staged and families are supported.

The study correlates with research released earlier this year that found that children who are given love and affection from their mothers early in life are smarter with a better ability to learn.

The experiences of infancy and early childhood provide the organizing framework for the expression of children’s intelligence, emotions, and personalities.

When those experiences are primarily negative, children may develop emotional, behavioral, and learning problems that persist throughout their lifetime, especially in the absence of targeted interventions.

The study by child psychiatrists and neuroscientists at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, found school-aged children whose mothers nurtured them early in life have brains with a larger hippocampus, a key structure important to learning, memory and response to stress.

The research was the first to show that changes in this critical region of children’s brain anatomy are linked to a mother’s nurturing, Neurosciencenews.com reports.

The research is published online in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences Early Edition. Lead author Joan L. Luby, MD, professor of child psychiatry, said the study reinforces how important nurturing parents are to a child’s development.

How I help my son grieve while I do the same. 

Mourning is a process of contemplation, healing and coping for the loss of a loved one. This journey, especially for a child requires help and guidance along the way during this long process. As a mother, it is my continuous job to support and empathize with my child, and boy do I empathize. I can see something different in my 4 year old son. My mom and I spoke with his teacher and she indicates that; he was once this happy and intelligent child that made friends easily and finished his work first before everyone, and now he has broken away from what he was; his behavior in class, mannerisms and connection with classmates and work has changed since the loss of his grandfather. She explained that he seems more withdrawn, he's not paying attention in class, he doesn't participate and isn't listening to her directions. When speaking with the counselor at his school, his teacher and other faculty; they have come to the conclusion that E is certainly missing his Papu. He may not express it the way us as adults express, but he expresses it in a way that he's longing for attention from his grandfather. The attention his grandfather always gave him when he was here. The grandson to grandfather talks and walks they shared together. The times he took him on "manly" dates, just him and Papu. He is coming to the realization that "Papu" isn't coming back. He mentions papu every time something reminds him of him. He seems to never forget but he keeps it mostly to himself. I understand what they are saying. Just the other day I caught him holding his "Papu Monkey" as he was just listening to his recorded voice inside. I always try to help my children cope, but I'm not perfect at it either, as I am coping myself. It is pretty traumatizing even for children, to learn to cope and adapt to not having someone so close to them (their "Papu") in their everyday lives anymore.

Here are some things that help my children whom are taking the loss of their grandfather very difficult: 

Give children permission to grieve, to cry, validate their loss.

Encourage children to express their grief through play, artwork, writing, rather than relying exclusively on verbal expression. 

Offer physical comfort; touch, kisses hugs, as needed.

Tell the truth and explain the cause of death. Avoid euphemisms such as; passed away or went to sleep.

Don't make assumptions about how the death is affecting a child. Let him/her speak and ask questions; listen with your ears eyes and heart.

Reassure the child that he or she is lived and will be cared for and that you are here to help.

Help the child say goodbye, through drawings, letter writing, planting trees. 

Maintain a daily routine, if possible; continuity is a safety net for children. School, chores, social events provide stability. 

Support groups are a place to meet other grieving children who have lost a loved one, it can help children normalize their grief.

Remember the loved one who has died. Talk about him. Honor his memory when you use the things he loved. Light a candle at a family gathering to keep his place in your hearts. Enjoy a meal, a piece of music he so often enjoyed. When you do things in his name, it keeps them alive. We will always keep him alive. Always.

He took his first steps with Papu 2009.



Grandparents day 2012: He was E's hero.

Tips on How To Pay For College

More than likely when you go to college, you 
will fall short on all your college expenses. Here are a few ways to help ease this.

1. If you are a minority, check your religion-based colleges. A lot of colleges like this don’t have a lot of minorities, so they will pay you (in the form of tuition) to go there. This usually covers housing, meal plans, books, and any other tuition. It may involve abiding by a lot of religious requirements, but it might be worth it if you can’t afford college at all.

2. Dont skip over the scholarships that only give out a couple hundred bucks. It doesn’t seem like a lot because your tuition will be several thousand, but your FAFSA will cover a big chunk of it, so the smaller scholarships can be helpful in helping you take care of things that FAFSA doesn’t cover. The smaller scholarships usually start at $500, so a few of those and you are good.

3. Make sure you file as an independent on your FAFSA form. You are considered independent because you have a child and this way no matter how much money your parents make, it won't affect your grants.

4. Apply early. The sooner you apply, the more grant money you get. You will always get the Stafford loans, but you want to stay away from them as much as possible because you have to pay those back.

5. Appeal your financial aid at school if it isn’t enough to meet your expenses. Your school has more money to give out, but you have to ask them for it. Let them know that you have more expenses than the average college student and they will try to give you a little extra. It might not be a lot but every little bit helps.

6. Apply for childcare expenses. You can apply for childcare expenses through your school even if you get childcare assistance through the government. They will give you up to $2000.

7. Try to find a campus that offers housing for families. Usually on campus housing costs less than off campus housing. It also comes with a lot of amenities such as, cable, internet, and all your utilities included in the rent.

It came be difficult at times trying to figure out how you are going to pat tuition, but make sure you keep in mind that every little bit helps. I hope this is of some help. Stay focused and follow your dreams.

Talking to my daughter about her anxiety.

My daughter has been taking my dad's loss pretty rough. These past 7 months have been a battle as dealing with the loss of a loved one is extremely overwhelming and upsetting. Because everyone deals with grief and death differently, I tell her and myself sometimes, that it is okay to still feel this way even after this period of time has passed. I actually thought she was coping fairly well as we always speak of him and keep him in our daily conversations. Little did I know that she was only getting worse. 

I know my daughter and I know her very well. I soon began to notice that she was not eating the amount of food she would normally eat. She would also not interact with us, let alone her brother as she usually did. What I feared the most was knowing that I could not take her pain away although I wish I could, but I did talk to her about her emotions and how we could get through it together. 

Throughout these past few weeks and the last weeks of school, I saw a sudden change in her demeanor. There was something different about her. She wasn't her sweet little playful self. Aside from not completing her meals, she wasn't sleeping normal hours and she was very emotional and whiny. I would take time to ask her what she was feeling and was hoping to get something out of her. 

Her response was just short and simple... "I just miss my Papu."

Now, that's a tough pill to swallow for anyone. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. When you think you're going through something because you've lost your best friend of a father, BOOM, your sweet child is also going through something as she too, is mourning the loss of her grandpa and hero. It took time to take that all in. I myself am an emotional wreck and hearing this from my own child, was... heartbreaking.

Her sleeping patterns were out of whack as she would stay up late in her room just laying there or sometimes sitting up just looking at the ceiling. She would ask to sleep with me because she couldn't fall asleep and her breathing would scare her. Just the other night, she experienced her first 'anxiety attack'. All of the symptoms she was experiencing were related to this. I know because I experienced this before yet have learned how to relax and understand the real meaning behind it. Then it happened again. 

At this point, I didn't want to wait any longer and scheduled a doctor's visit. Sure enough, the doctor diagnosed her with being anxious and sad of the loss of a loved one. She referred her to a therapist and grieving group to help her cope better with her struggles of not having her "Papu" around anymore. What would you do as a mother/parent, if something similar happened to your child? I have done some research because I want to help my daughter help herself. 

Here are 10 things I use to reduce my child's anxiety: 

1. Focus on the positives. (memories, new memories...)
2. Schedule relaxing activities. (nothing competitive)
3. Model approach behavior, self-care, and positive thinking. (learned behaviors)
4. Reward your child's brave behaviors. (applaud them for making it through)
5. Encourage good sleep hygiene. (transitions)
6. Encourage your child to express his/her anxiety. (validate and listen)
7. Help your child to problem solve. (allow growth)
8. Stay calm. (manage your own anxiety)
9. Practice relaxation exercises with your child. (different techniques; ex. close your eyes and imagine you are at the beach.)
10. Never give up! (repeat 1-9 and you will help your child succeed)

Anxiety can be a struggle.  

By using these 10 ways to help your child cope through it, you as a parent will give them hope. The hope that everything will be okay because they have you by their side.