Parenting

Parenting can be so hard. Thankfully, the good times outweigh the trying ones, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a constantly changing, 24/7 job. Once you become a parent, "dull days" cease to exist. They are replaced with emotional roller coaster rides that grab you by the heart and take you and your patience to the ends of the earth and back.

Below are 10 tips to help maintain your sanity (for the most part) on a daily basis:

1. Laugh at yourself. First and foremost, laugh. Parenting is hard enough; if you don't find the humor in it, you will go bat sh*t crazy by the end of the first six weeks.

2. Laugh at your child. Kids are hysterical, laugh at them. Most of all, laugh with them.

3. Forgive yourself. There is no such thing as the perfect parent. No. Such. Thing. We all make mistakes. If at first you don't succeed... you will eventually.

4. Forgive your child. Just like adults, kids make mistakes too. It's part of life. For little ones, life is all about trying new things and testing limits. They are bound to screw up a few (hundred) times.

5. Steer clear of Dr. Google. Before even thinking about Googling your child's symptoms, call your doctor. All Dr. Google will do is make your think your child is dying of some horrifying rare disease and land you in the ER with a bug bite.

6. The "Right Way" is the way that works for your family.Don't let someone or some book make you think otherwise. Start with your instinct, then go from there. You know your child(ren) better than anyone else; work within those bounds.

7. Block out the haters. Who knew the minute you become a parent, ALL of the haters would come out of hiding? The Haters will do their best to make you second guess yourself, your child and your lifestyle. Ignore them. They know nothing about you or your situation. Plus, nine times out of 10, they are just jealous of you and your badass family.

8. Say 'I love you' and hug your kids everyday. Who doesn't love a little acknowledgement and affection? I know kids especially do. So give it to them. Make there be no question about just how loved they are.

9. This too shall pass. Parenting is really hard! It's not just you that's confused and frustrated. Moms of multiples are still crazed by the third child. From the newborn to the teenage years, there are many stages and phases. Some will be easy, some ridiculous, and some so trying you are sure one more day of the insanity will land you in a padded room. Hold on to those last shreds of sanity, because this too shall pass.

10. Don't sacrifice family time.The dishes can wait. Take time to be with your family now, because tomorrow is not promised. Childhood is such a short time, cherish and embrace it together. Love every second and every stage because when they are gone, you will miss them dearly. Yes, even the really annoying stages.

Parenting: There's a book for that.

No more yelling!

No more begging or bribing your children!

Kids who do the right thing because they know where the wrong thing leads to

The secret is: Not always having to be “right”.

Letting your kids be the one to call the shots 95% of the time and allow them to experience the impact from their choices.

You do this by giving them choices (and only 2 choices) about as much as you can- every little thing you can think of.

“Do you want to wear this shirt or that shirt?”

“Left shoe first or right shoe?”

“Go play at this park or that park?”

You want them to feel 100% in control of their life.

*Of course, when there’s a decision to be made that will affect their health and safety, you call the shots- no questions asked.

Here are a 2 examples of how Parenting with Love and Logic can work: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1576839540/ref=mw_dp_img?is=l

Example 1:

Before: Your 2 year old just finished playing with his blocks so he goes over to his pretend tool box set and starts playing with that. He doesn’t mind cleaning them up because he knows either mommy will pick them up or they’ll still be there in the same spot tomorrow.

Using the Parenting with Love and Logic approach: Before he walks away, you ask him, “Would you like to pick up your toys or do you want mommy to?” If he’s like most kids, he’ll point right at you. So you smile and say “Ok” and then you pick up his toys into a bin and proceed to place it on the highest shelf you can find where he can’t easily access them. If he gets upset, you just hug him and say “Aww you miss your toys, that’s so sad.” (In a loving way, never with sarcasm) and then move on to the next activity. The magic happens tomorrow after playing with the toys again, when you ask “Would you like to pick your toys up or would you like mommy to?” I bet his answer has changed. 

Example 2:

Before: Your 9 month old has learned that while sitting in her high chair, if she throws her sippy cup, mommy will immediately pick it up, wash it off and give it back. She takes another sip and throws it on the floor again. It’s starting to become a fun game for her to see how many times mommy will do this, while doing other funny things in the meantime, like wave her finger around, saying “No no no.”

Using the Parenting with Love and Logic approach: You would ask her “Do you want to have your sippy cup or do you want to throw it on the floor?” Assume her reaching for the cup is her answer and when she throws it on the floor, you show her sympathy and place the cup out of arms reach. Give her a loving kiss on the forehead to show her you aren’t mad and then let her cry for her cup for a few minutes. Ask her again, “Do you want your cup or do you want to throw it on the floor?” Repeat this process, if needed, each time keeping the cup away from her longer. She will get the hint that keeping the cup is the best choice.

The Parenting with Love and Logic system is one that takes a lot of consistency.

It’ll result in less frustration for you and much wiser and independent kids. Obviously, it’s much easier to understand once you’ve read the book but after you do, it’ll make perfect sense. 

Parenting with Love and Logic- The Best Parenting Book

1. Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. – Don’t base your attitude on how things are. Choose your attitude so it supports and expresses the way you wish to be. Frustration and stress come from the way you respond and react, not the circumstance themselves. Adjust your attitude, and the frustration and stress is gone.
2. What you experience starts with your perception. – In almost every case, nothing is stopping you… nothing is holding you back but your own thoughts about yourself and “how life is.” Your perception creates your beliefs. And your beliefs create your behaviors. And your behaviors produce your experience.
3. Let go of the need to complain about life. – Spend your moments actually living its beauty. Change the phrase “have to” to “get to.” So many things we complain about are things others wish they had the chance to do.
4. Positivity always pays off. – Your thoughts do not end when you finish thinking them. They continue to echo through your life. Choose wisely and intentionally. Be outrageously and unreasonably positive. Be funny and creative and ridiculous and joyful all at the same time. Smile as often as possible. A smile actually changes the vibe of your body. It alters, physiologically, the chemistry of your being. It will make you feel better and do better.
5. Negativity just shortens your life. – Before you waste it on anger, resentment, spite or envy, always think of how precious and irreplaceable your time is.
6. Worry is the biggest enemy of the present moment. – It does nothing but steal your joy and keep you very busy doing absolutely nothing at all. When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want. (Read The Power of Now.)
7. Don’t run away from things; run toward them. – The best way to move away from something negative is to move toward something positive.
8. Nothing is as bad as it seems. Nothing. – There’s a benefit and a blessing hidden in the folds of every experience and every outcome.
9. Gratitude helps every situation. – How can you transform suffering into joy, and struggle into peace? GRATITUDE. Start being grateful for all the problems you do NOT have.
10. Everything is falling together perfectly, even though it looks as if some things are falling apart. – Trust in life’s process. Happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with what is, rather than wishing for and worrying about what is not. When life is “falling apart,” things could actually be falling together… maybe for the first time.
11. Change is necessary. – Change is the process of life itself. In fact, everything is changing every second of our lives. However good or bad the situation is now, it will change. That’s one thing you can count on. So never assume that you’re stuck with the way things are. Life changes, and so can you. Take a breath of fresh air. The past is long gone. Focus on what you can do, not on what you could have or should have done.
12. You are capable of handling far more than you think. – Accept each moment, without judgment or anxiety. Remind yourself that all is well, and that you can handle whatever comes along.
13. If you’re having problems, that’s good. – It means you’re making progress. The only people with no problems are the ones doing nothing.
14. It takes just as much energy to waste your time as it does to use it wisely. – It is far better to be exhausted from lots of effort and learning, than to be tired of doing absolutely nothing.
15. There’s a big difference between being busy and being productive. – Don’t confuse motion and progress. A rocking horse keeps moving but never makes any forward progress.
16. You can’t achieve what you do not attempt. – Everything you achieve comes from something you attempt. Everything! Make the attempt. The path between wanting and having is doing.
17. The right thing and the easy thing are rarely the same thing. – Do what matters, not just what is convenient. Do what is fulfilling, not just what is easy. When faced with a choice, choose the path that strengthens you. Choose to learn, choose to grow, choose to more fully become who you are.
18. You can’t be your best without first being yourself. – Be highly effective by being highly authentic. Take a moment to pause and remember who you are and what you stand for. Take a moment to reflect on the ideas and principles that have real and lasting meaning in your life.
19. Meaningful work is important. – You are at your best when you are moving toward a meaningful, positive and ambitious goal. So never follow goals you’re reluctant to pursue. Find ones that will keep you awake at night with excitement.
20. Always realign yourself with your highest priorities. – If you’re being pulled in every direction by forces beyond your control, take time to realign yourself with what you value most in life. What is important in your life is what you decide is important, and this decision will ultimately create who you are. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Passion and Growth” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
21. Set your sights high. – Make your dreams big, exciting and undeniable. They’re the ones that will push you forward. Whatever is beyond your reach right now will not always be beyond your reach. Keep going.
22. Miracles happen every day. – If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
23. If you’re going to do something, do it with enthusiasm and devotion. – Hold nothing back… In life. Or love. Or business. Or anything at all. Every morning, ask yourself what is really important and then have the courage to build your day around your answer.
24. Focused effort pays. – An attitude of “whatever is convenient” won’t accomplish much, ever. An attitude of “whatever it takes” is impossible to stop. So remember, effort does not cost you – it pays. What you invest in effort is never wasted. Sincere, focused effort always brings something of value – an outcome that teaches you what the next step is.
25. What you are capable of achieving is heavily based on how much you want it. – When it means enough to you, then you can do it. When you are willing and committed and persistent, you will get yourself there, every time.
26. You can always take a small step in the direction of your dreams. – There is absolutely nothing about your present situation that prevents you from following your dreams, one step at a time. Use each setback, each disappointment as a cue to push on ahead with more determination than ever before.
27. Set time aside to celebrate your progress at least once a month. – Look at how far you’ve come. You have made progress. And now, imagine how far you can go.
28. Other people’s opinions don’t have to be your reality. – Let the opinions of others inform you, don’t let them limit you. Learn to value yourself and what you stand for. Allow yourself to be yourself. If you don’t want what the world says you should want, have the courage to say so.
29. Break the rules sometimes. – Don’t break the law, but break the rules. If all you are doing is following someone else’s rules, then you have not grown, you have only obeyed.
30. You alone, get to choose what matters and what doesn’t. – The meaning of everything in your life is the meaning you give it.
31. Listen to your intuition. – When something feels right, that means it is right for you. When something feels wrong, that means it is wrong for you. Pay attention to your authentic feelings, and follow where they lead.
32. Own and embrace your imperfections. – Because once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you. (Read The Gifts of Imperfection.)
33. Every mistake is a step forward. – You cannot make a mistake; you can only make a decision that will be your next best step.
34. Every day is a clean slate. – Don’t you dare give up on Today because of the way things looked Yesterday. Don’t even think about it. Every day is a new day to try again.
35. No moment is wasted when you live it with presence and purpose. – Value and enjoy the journey, even when there are detours along the way. Appreciate every moment, whatever each moment may bring. From the genuine appreciation of these little moments will come a remarkable life.
36. Treat everyone, especially yourself, with kindness and respect. – Treat yourself as the most important person in the world, and treat others as you treat yourself. Do not miss a single chance – not one single opportunity – to tell someone how wonderful they are, how beautiful they are inside and out. Live so that people will enjoy your presence when they’re with you, and appreciate you just as much or even more when they’re apart from you.
37. Accept important apologies you never received. – If you love someone and you want to forgive them, relieve them of the need to apologize to you, for anything.
38. True love is freedom. – Love lets go. Let go of expectation, let go of requirements and rules and regulations that you would impose on your loved ones. The gift of pure love allows you to bless others and accept them without condition, granting them freedom to make their own choices.
39. Everyone you meet can teach you something important. – In fact, the people who are the most difficult to deal with can also be your most valuable teachers.
40. No matter how much you know, there’s a whole lot you don’t know. – In almost every situation, a little more willingness to acknowledge that there may be something you do not know could change everything. Go somewhere new, and countless opportunities suddenly appear. Do something differently, and all sorts of great new possibilities spring up. Keep an open mind.

8 things I want my daughter to know:

While enjoying pedicures with my daughter and discussing kindergarten excitedly, I overheard a mom and daughter discussing the girl’s first year of college with the same excitement. The mom and I caught each other’s glance and in that moment I knew we were both seeing something unique; she was seeing a sweet memory and I was staring at a beautiful future. I can’t be certain, but I think we both had tears in our eyes.

I’m not someone who overuses phrases like “how time flies” or “where has the time gone” but there are moments when I wish I could freeze time just long enough to forever etch an image in my mind, like my daughter wearing her favorite rock star jeans, cowboy boots three sizes too big, and hair in pig tails pulling her wagon with one hand and making a dandelion wish with the other hand.

But time does move on and my daughter keeps growing and with every new milestone she reaches, I add to the mental list I am making of everything she needs to know…

1. Childhood is finite; treat it as such. This is where dreams take root and this is where imagination is nurtured. Play with your stuffed animals for as long as you want; believe in Santa Claus for as long as you can. You’re going to be in a hurry to try so many things, but trust me, you will have plenty of time for all of it.

2. Warning: I’m going to talk to you about some pretty embarrassing stuff. There will be diagrams, strange vocabulary, and blushing, lots of blushing. When you’re a lot older, I’ll tell you some jokes to go with this topic, jokes that will suddenly become funny when you’re in your twenties and on an elevator somewhere and you suddenly remember and start laughing uncontrollably, scaring everyone in the elevator. You will try to explain and pay homage to me by saying, “My mother is quite the craftswoman of a good penis joke.” Which will only frighten the elevator passengers even more but you won’t care because you will finally understand how important that really embarrassing talk was.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially from me. Tell me your joys and your fears; don’t put everything on your own shoulders. You’d be amazed how much I can carry. And know that there is never anything you can do that would make me stop loving you. Nothing.

4. All those things you’re going to be afraid to try? Try them. Let life lead you where it will; be open to change and new ideas.

5. Forgive. You must always forgive because not forgiving makes you ugly and I’m not talking about the kind of ugly you can see in a mirror. It’s the kind of ugly that twists you and changes your heart forever. Forgive and don’t lose faith in people, but temper this with the knowledge that letting go isn’t the same as giving up and sometimes it’s the wiser choice.

6. Be prepared; one day the world is going to break you into so many pieces you will think you’ll never be whole again. But believe me, you will heal and you will be better than before. Don’t let the moment destroy you; let your renewal define you.

7. The fairytale you grew up hearing about? Yes, it’s out there, only it doesn’t look like a pink sparkly gown and it doesn’t live in a castle. It’s respect and compromise and arguments and tears and laughter and love. Prince Charming has flaws and so do you, sweet princess; you will save each other over and over again and fight the dragons of this world together.

8. And for every time you’ve asked me, “Mommy, what do you want me to be when I grow up?” My answer has never changed: I want you to be confident and compassionate; everything else will follow.

- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/8-things-i-want-my-daughter-to-know/#sthash.mlWa24UK.dpuf

7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors That Keep Children From Growing Into Leaders 

He is a success coach, writer, and leadership trainer, was a marriage and family therapist, and worked several years with couples, families, and children. Through that experience, he witnessed a very wide array of both functional and dysfunctional parenting behaviors. As a parent himself, he learned that all the wisdom and love in the world doesn’t necessarily protect you from parenting in ways that hold your children back from thriving, gaining independence and becoming the leaders they have the potential to be.Visit this website below to read full article.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2014/01/16/7-crippling-parenting-behaviors-that-keep-children-from-growing-into-leaders/

1. We don’t let our children experience risk

We live in a world that warns us of danger at every turn. The “safety first” preoccupation enforces our fear of losing our kids, so we do everything we can to protect them. It’s our job after all, but we have insulated them from healthy risk-taking behavior and it’s had an adverse effect. Psychologists in Europe have discovered that if a child doesn’t play outside and is never allowed to experience a skinned knee, they frequently have phobias as adults. Kids need to fall a few times to learn it’s normal; teens likely need to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend to appreciate the emotional maturity that lasting relationships require. If parents remove risk from children’s lives, we will likely experience high arrogance and low self-esteem in our growing leaders.

2. We rescue too quickly

Today’s generation of young people has not developed some of the life skills kids did 30 years ago because adults swoop in and take care of problems for them. When we rescue too quickly and over-indulge our children with “assistance,” we remove the need for them to navigate hardships and solve problems on their own. It’s parenting for the short-term and it sorely misses the point of leadership—to equip our young people to do it without help. Sooner or later, kids get used to someone rescuing them: “If I fail or fall short, an adult will smooth things over and remove any consequences for my misconduct.” When in reality, this isn’t even remotely close to how the world works, and  therefore it disables our kids from becoming competent adults.

3. We rave too easily

The self-esteem movement has been around since Baby Boomers were kids, but it took root in our school systems in the 1980s. Attend a little league baseball game and you’ll see that everyone is a winner. This “everyone gets a trophy” mentality might make our kids feel special, but research is now indicating this method has unintended consequences. Kids eventually observe that Mom and Dad are the only ones who think they’re awesome when no one else is saying it. They begin to doubt the objectivity of their parents; it feels good in the moment, but it’s not connected to reality. When we rave too easily and disregard poor behavior, children eventually learn to cheat, exaggerate and lie and to avoid difficult reality. They have not been conditioned to face it.

4. We let guilt get in the way of leading well

Your child does not have to love you every minute. Your kids will get over the disappointment, but they won’t get over the effects of being spoiled. So tell them “no” or “not now,” and let them fight for what they really value and need. As parents, we tend to give them what they want when rewarding our children, especially with multiple kids. When one does well in something, we feel it’s unfair to praise and reward that one and not the other. This is unrealistic and misses an opportunity to enforce the point to our kids that success is dependent upon our own actions and good deeds. Be careful not to teach them a good grade is rewarded by a trip to the mall. If your relationship is based on material rewards, kids will experience neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.

5. We don’t share our past mistakes

Healthy teens are going to want to spread their wings and they’ll need to try things on their own. We as adults must let them, but that doesn’t mean we can’t help them navigate these waters. Share with them the relevant mistakes you made when you were their age in a way that helps them learn to make good choices. (Avoid negative “lessons learned” having to do with smoking, alcohol, illegal drugs, etc.) Also, kids must prepare to encounter slip-ups and face the consequences of their decisions. Share how you felt when you faced a similar experience, what drove your actions, and the resulting lessons learned. Because we’re not the only influence on our kids, we must be the best influence.

6. We mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence for maturity

Intelligence is often used as a measurement of a child’s maturity, and as a result parents assume an intelligent child is ready for the world. That’s not the case. Some professional athletes and Hollywood starlets, for example, possess unimaginable talent, but still get caught in a public scandal. Just because giftedness is present in one aspect of a child’s life, don’t assume it pervades all areas. There is no magic “age of responsibility” or a proven guide as to when a child should be given specific freedoms, but a good rule of thumb is to observe other children the same age as yours. If you notice that they are doing more themselves than your child does, you may be delaying your child’s independence.

7. We don’t practice what we preach

As parents, it is our responsibility to model the life we want our children to live. To help them lead a life of character and become dependable and accountable for their words and actions. As the leaders of our homes, we can start by only speaking honest words – white lies will surface and slowly erode character. Watch yourself in the little ethical choices that others might notice, because your kids will notice too. If you don’t cut corners, for example, they will know it’s not acceptable for them to either. Show your kids what it means to give selflessly and joyfully by volunteering for a service project or with a community group. Leave people and places better than you found them, and your kids will take note and do the same.

Here’s a start:

1. Talk over the issues you wish you would’ve known about adulthood.

2. Allow them to attempt things that stretch them and even let them fail.

3. Discuss future consequences if they fail to master certain disciplines.

4. Aid them in matching their strengths to real-world problems.

5. Furnish projects that require patience, so they learn to delay gratification.

6. Teach them that life is about choices and trade-offs; they can’t do everything.

7. Initiate (or simulate) adult tasks like paying bills or making business deals.

8. Introduce them to potential mentors from your network.

9. Help them envision a fulfilling future, and then discuss the steps to get there.

10. Celebrate progress they make toward autonomy and responsibility.