It isn't Goodbye, it's "See you later."
I woke up early this morning and drove around alone for an hour while everyone slept. I had so much on my mind and needed time to myself to prepare.
Today, I had no choice but to be strong for my cousins as my Tia lost her battle to cancer and today was the day we laid her body to rest. It was the first time I had visited a funeral within the last 6 months and to know it was for a family member, it left me with complete anxiety.
My heart is still fragile as 6 months ago I lost my daddy but God is a good God and knows what he's doing with all our family members. He knows why our special loved ones leave our lives so soon... Why they go through all they do to fight to survive and why they can't stay with us on this earth any longer after all that struggle.
AND then here we are... we are the ones who are left here feeling helpless and lonely. We are the ones who have to suffer through the emptiness. I miss my daddy so much and to see my cousins go through the same heartache I felt just a few months back, is unfathomable.
I wish this pain on no one and the only thing that keeps me going is my faith in God and knowing that he was not in any pain as he slowly left his body. I can remember it like yesterday, sitting beside him and holding his hand in mine. Watching his breathes coming less frequently, his pulse more thready, his fingers more cold, and his mouth fallen open as he moaned peacefully taking in slow breathes.
We didn't want to let him go. We didn't want to say goodbye. We didn't want to lose him. I sat there in heartache telling him how much I loved him and how proud of a daughter I was for everything he did for me and everything he taught me... Thanking him for being the best father to me and the best grandfather to my children and that we all love him so very much. I could feel that he heard me and that he felt proud of what I was saying. It was then when a few moments later, my father took his last breathe and left his body.
I'm blessed and grateful that his passing was as peaceful as death is what most fear.
Although painful for my mother, my children and myself to have lost a wonderful man so soon, we truly know we will soon see him again one day in the future.
My heart is still fragile as 6 months ago I lost my daddy but God is a good God and knows what he's doing with all our family members. He knows why our special loved ones leave our lives so soon... Why they go through all they do to fight to survive and why they can't stay with us on this earth any longer after all that struggle.
AND then here we are... we are the ones who are left here feeling helpless and lonely. We are the ones who have to suffer through the emptiness. I miss my daddy so much and to see my cousins go through the same heartache I felt just a few months back, is unfathomable.
I wish this pain on no one and the only thing that keeps me going is my faith in God and knowing that he was not in any pain as he slowly left his body. I can remember it like yesterday, sitting beside him and holding his hand in mine. Watching his breathes coming less frequently, his pulse more thready, his fingers more cold, and his mouth fallen open as he moaned peacefully taking in slow breathes.
We didn't want to let him go. We didn't want to say goodbye. We didn't want to lose him. I sat there in heartache telling him how much I loved him and how proud of a daughter I was for everything he did for me and everything he taught me... Thanking him for being the best father to me and the best grandfather to my children and that we all love him so very much. I could feel that he heard me and that he felt proud of what I was saying. It was then when a few moments later, my father took his last breathe and left his body.
I'm blessed and grateful that his passing was as peaceful as death is what most fear.
Although painful for my mother, my children and myself to have lost a wonderful man so soon, we truly know we will soon see him again one day in the future.
My cousin writes the day of the funeral as she lost her mother from cancer as well~
"The love of a brother (MY DAD) and sister (MY DADS SISTER) Gloria Valdez consoling each other after they've both lost their Wife and Husband to Cancer just 6 months apart... May God continue to given them strength to find peace and comfort."
"The love of a brother (MY DAD) and sister (MY DADS SISTER) Gloria Valdez consoling each other after they've both lost their Wife and Husband to Cancer just 6 months apart... May God continue to given them strength to find peace and comfort."
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