Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Boy, You're five today.

So here you are, five. And with that sentence here come the tears. How am I expected to type this if I can’t see my own words on the screen through blurry wet eyes? 

At 6:10am this morning, I quietly went to wish you a happy birthday. 

(I make sure to keep this a tradition in my family in which every year at 6:10am on your birthday and 4:12am on your sister's birthday I go to kiss you and tell you how much I love you.) 

This year, I stood by your bedside and just stared in awe at the wonder before me. Many memories of my daddy came to mind and tears streamed down my eyes. From this moment forward, you will no longer be able to make new memories with your Papu. The person you looked up to for everything. The man who taught you the difference between right and wrong. The man who never judged you for what you had done. I watched the rhythmic rise and fall of your small chest as you slept peacefully. I listened to your breath strong and steady, and said a silent prayer to thank God for bringing you into my life and for allowing my daddy to be a part of yours for the 4 years and 7 months that he was in your life. Although sad because we would no longer make new memories, I was happy too, because not many get to make that kind of bond you guys made together. 

I want you to know, at five years old that you have been the breath in my lungs and the beat of my heart since the second you came into this world. I kissed your forehead, as I did 5 years ago when you were first placed in my arms.  My heart melted, as it did that first moment I laid eyes on you.

April 5, 2009, I became a Mommy to my second child... A handsome little boy... YOU!

I choose to look at things from a different point of view. I choose to take hold of the blessing I’ve been given in being tasked with being a Mom of two in the first place.

It is a privilege for me to be your Mommy. That is something I can take for granted from time to time. So on days like this, I choose to reflect on the gift I’ve been given. You make me so proud! You have grown into a wonderful little boy. Although at times it isn't easy because of your stubborn ways and attitude, I wouldn't change you for the world... That's what makes you who you are and please don't ever change that.

Today I celebrate the day you were formed in my womb, the day you were finally brought into this world and you came into my life. I learn something every single day from being you and your sister's Mommy. And I cannot wait to see what you teach me next.

I'm so happy you enjoyed your birthday party with all your friends today. I wanted it to be perfect just for you... And it couldn't have been any better. 

I want so much for you. You are my dream baby boy... Both you and your sister. I love you to the moon and back, until you can never count to the last number! (as you always tell me) 

Happy Birthday, My Elijah. I love you, forever and a day.