My daughter's visit to the Cardiologist

It's been exactly 9 months since the passing of such a great man. And those who have been following my journey know the story in that it has been a rough several months.

As the months have passed, I've learned through grief counseling for myself and my children and being a part of a group session for my clinical's, that everyone grieves differently. I see that my children are going through this exact process. 

When it first began, my children were in the denial stage. They didn't quite understand the loss and thought he would come back soon. My son especially, at age 4 when it happened, now 5, couldn't grasp the concept that Papu wasn't coming back. It was hard to understand that his grandfather whom he was very close with, vanished in a blink of an eye, when he just saw him that night. 

My daughter 7 at the time, now 8, is more upset at the fact that she didn't say goodbye. She wanted closure. She wanted to be there when he stopped breathing. You see, my children were sleeping when he took his last breath. The last thing she said to him was "goodnight Papu, I love you and I'll see you in the morning." She didn't believe for one minute that he would leave her forever. She would be at his side every morning at 5:30am on the dot, to feed him tiny bites of strawberry and banana right before she left for school. Her love for him was so strong, I believe he held on as long as he did because he saw she wasn't letting him go. None of us were. She woke up the next morning running to his beside where my mom and I were sleeping, to see he was no longer there. This was my daughters first panic attack. This was the first time I saw a different side of her I never imagined I would see. The pain, the pacing and the anger hit all at once. She ran throughtout the house searching for him. We had to calm her down and slowly explain to her what had happened and that he was now in heaven. Mothers and future mothers, this is something I wish on no one and I was unprepared for this moment. To see my child in so much pain as there was nothing I could do besides hold her right and cry with her, was a feeling a bestow on now one. At this point, we were all emotional, stressed and needed serious help to cope. 

As time went by since his passing, you would think it would get better, but it's actually quite opposite. My daughter has been taking it pretty rough and these past few weeks throughout the summer have been exhausting to which my stress level has escalated with everything going on around me. One thing led to another and because of this, she had to have a visit with a cardiologist.

She recently turned eight and has had endure the different milestones and special moments that her Papu wasn't able to be a part of. To have had him throughout her life in every single event since birth and not to have him there anymore is a huge and drastic change for her. They do say that the first year is the hardest after a loved one has passed... For a child to understand that is not easy. She was at the point where she couldn't breathe (anxious), refused to eat (anything) and became withdrawn from most. She was complaining about heart palpitations and unmanageable breathing. Several times she felt she was going to die and asked me to rush her to the ER. I knewtThis wasn't her and I immediately sought for help.

She visited a counselor whom referred her back to her pediatrician who then referred her to a cardiologist to ensure nothing was indeed wrong inside her little body and that she was a healthy child experiencing panic attacks due to the loss of someone close to her heart and special in her life who no longer plays a role.

Sure enough, after the EKG and ultrasounds of her heartbeats came out perfect, they reassured her that she was a very healthy child and that she needed to understand that what she was experiencing was panic attacks because she is currently grieving and that it's okay to miss her grandfather.

She understood and felt much better after hearing the good news. To this day it still isn't easy as she has panic attacks once a day compared to every 20 minutes. As a parent, it's my job to push her through this even though I myself need a push as well. She has come so far and doesn't go a day without mentioning her Papu. It's amazing the bond they have because I know her and my son will never forget him and he is watching his babies proudly.

My children are my inspiration in which I decided that I want to pursue facilitating bereavement counseling for children. I am in clinical's for counseling currently and will be facilitating a group of children. She has taught me to be a better person for other children whom are going through what she is currently experiencing. 

As her mother and counselor, we created a memory box where she has filled it with memories, photo's and memorandum new and old, reminding her of her Papu as well as letters and drawings she has written and drawn to him sharing her current feelings. In one day this has been a tremendous success and I am a huge advocate for bereaved children.

 

If you have a child or know someone who has recently lost someone close to them and are having a difficult time, please talk to them and refer them to a bereavement group. This group is successful in providing grieving children with a safe environment in which they can share and learn from each other.

Goal: To help children who have experienced a loss in their life to better understand feelings, increase awareness and self-knowledge about death, anticipate possible emotions, learn how to express emotions in a healthy way and seek support from their peers while doing so.

 

1.      To share with one another the losses experienced/feelings

 

2.      To gain an understanding of the stages of grief and identify stage currently    experiencing

3.      Explore support systems within the group and possible coping techniques