A Grandparent's Death... Do kiddos really know how to cope?

Kiddo Counseling 101: A problem which is perhaps as difficult as actually experiencing a grandparent's death is knowing if the kiddos are truly ready for this grandparent’s death. Interestingly, some of the strategies that are frequently used for children coping with a death can also be helpful in preparing for a death...

Artwork

Art therapy is a well-established field of psychology, but one does not have to be a psychologist to use the power of art. Supply the child with good paints or markers and paper and suggest that he make a picture for his grandparent.
The child who is hesitant about drawing or painting can sometimes be induced to create a collage. Because he or she is cutting and pasting rather than actually drawing, the pressure can be less. Words to express the child’s feelings or photographs of the grandparent can be incorporated into the collage.
Sometimes a child will be feeling angry about the prospect of his/her grandparent’s death and may create a picture with dark and disturbing images. Certainly this is a valuable way to express emotions. You may want to discuss the piece in an open and non-critical way.

Writing

It is sometimes suggested that children write a letter to their grandparent who has died. This can be beneficial to the grief process. Letter writing is a wonderful activity for bringing grandparents and grandchildren closer together.
Poetry writing can also be very therapeutic. Children sometimes have an instinctive talent for expressing their ideas poetically. They may just need help in, for example, choosing where to place line breaks. It may or may not be easy for those who are trying to cope however, those who are unsure about how to proceed should consider following a poetic formula that makes poetry-writing easy. My children still feel this way every morning and night since their "Papu" passed two in a half weeks ago.They were super close to him and they had a bond that they will always hold dear to their heart.

Gifts and Special Objects

In many countries and cultures, objects are placed with the dead person for use in the afterlife. Another way of preparing for a separation is through the giving of gifts. A child can choose some special objects to give to a grandparent. If the child wishes, the objects may be placed in the casket after the grandparent’s death. Some grandparents prepare for death by selecting certain of their possessions to give to their grandchildren and other heirs. Although larger items should probably be granted in a will, a grandparent can choose small items for each grandchild. The fact that the grandparent chose the item will make it have special significance. My daddy (their Papu) did this, leaving them a special gift from him to them just for my kiddos, as he called them "my gorgeous babies."

Photos and Scrapbooks

A photo album, photo book or scrapbook is a good project for a grandchild to make in remembrance of their grandparent. An older child may be able to put one together without much help, but even a preschool child can make a scrapbook which will be precious. After the grandparent’s death, the scrapbook can go back to the grandchild as a remembrance of times together. An older child who is good with technology may want to make a slide show for the future. My children will always remember their Papu, as they have loads of photo's together with him and have already begun a photo book in his memory for them when they feel they need to remember him.

Something Special To Remember

The last and my final favorite is a recording! Record the grandparents voice, if you have one, on a memory card, recorder, or Build-A-Bear (very popular). My daddy always left voice-mails on my iPhone and I to this day, listen to the messages when I feel the need to hear his voice. My mom and I took the kiddos to pick their own "Papu Bear" of their choice and we recorded his voice onto a recorder that was later placed in the paws of this stuffed animal and stuffed with a heart and stuffing to complete it. This way they are able to remember his voice for comfort in time of grievance. They even dressed each bear, in similar clothes as their Papu (their idea). This has tremendously helped my babess how to cope when they are missing him. They sleep with "Papu Monkey" and "Papu Penguin" every night.