Tantrum Intervention
Before I became a mother, I wasn't knowledgeable what motherhood had in store for me. I mean, I had friends who recently became mothers but they too, were unsure of what motherhood was. The only person I trusted and looked for guidance about motherhood was my own mother. She really taught me everything I know and I'm her only one. She was able to guide me in the right direction and I was blessed to have her knowledge right beside me. Except, the tantrums... I went through almost 4 years tantrum free. My daughter was an angel from heaven I can say so myself. I can honestly say, I never had to discipline her in a store, or tell her to listen in public. I always saw the mother who had to face this on a daily basis everywhere I went and inside I as I would pass her, I would kind of chuckle, thinking, "ha i don't have that problem". I mean, really, let's be honest, what kind of mother can’t control her own
toddler in public? How hard could it possibly be to correct a
tantrum? There must be a problem at home, right?
UNTIL... my son, was born and he turned 3 1/2! I really though I had passed the terrible two's. Boy, was I wrong. Come the age of 3 he was fine, but once he hit the half stage, BOOM it hit! His first real boy whining, screaming at the top of his lungs, everyone staring tantrum. In case you’re wondering, yes, I absolutely want to throat-punch the pre-motherhood version of myself, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you do, too.
To this day, my son is now 4 and he definitely has not gone down on the tantrums. Although, I can say, he has learned to control it better in the store. My children are not those children who throw tantrums over not being able to buy a toy, but instead the little things like "you didn't kiss me first" (if I kissed his sister before him), "I'm thirsty" (after he drank a crap load of water in the car), or crying and throwing a tantrum hysterically if he can't put his shoe on or doesn't want to wear socks... Even after these simple little instances, I have learned where tantrums come from and we are having less and less of them everyday. THANK GOD!
Here are the most common tantrum triggers:
Fatigue: This is probably the number one trigger. Even if your child no longer naps during the day, five year olds still need some down time. Encourage some quiet time during the day. I recall vividly a day in the not so distant past, when my son had a super busy, no rest day, culminating in a dinner soccer party. Long story short, we suffered through agonizing cries all the way home.
He was simply tired and the loss of his balloon was what tipped the scale in the tantrum direction.
Hunger: Again, a common culprit. Five year olds may not recognize yet that the reason they are feeling grumpy is because they are hungry. They need a snack. When the whining starts and you’ve figured out hunger is the cause, say to your child “you are hungry, you need a snack”. This will help her recognize why she is feeling this way and hopefully next time, instead of whining about something, she will simply ask for a snack.
Overstimulation: Ever been to one of those birthday parties where the noise is so loud you can’t even hear yourself think? Next thing you know, your child is a mess of tears running in your direction because someone spilled her drink. Sure, kids love birthday parties but they can quickly become overstimulated and prone to meltdowns.
Extreme frustration (usually in the eye of one of the above): My son had a mini meltdown trying to tie his shoelace. He didn’t want help, he didn’t want me to talk, he wanted to do it, and he was getting more and more frustrated with each attempt. It didn’t help that we were approaching the end of a long day. He was beyond tired.
Diversion was my best tactic in this scenario.
Feeling misunderstood: This leads right back to frustration. Even though five year olds have a fantastic vocabulary and are easy to understand, they still have difficulty communicating their emotions. Help her express her emotions, echo what she is saying, and let her know you are trying to understand. Even if you don’t quite get it, a little empathy can go a long way.
Food insensitivity: could your child have an unknown food sensitivity? If you suspect this may be the case, keep a tantrum diary. Record events surrounding the tantrum as well as foods eaten at or around that time.
Still unsure if your five year old’s tantrum falls into the realm of “normal”?
Here are some red flags to be aware of:
*Keep in mind that children with hearing or vision loss, a chronic medical illness, or a learning/behavioral disability will be prone to more frequent tantrums. Again, the culprit is usually frustration and/or the inability to communicate effectively. If you suspect any of these in your child, have her evaluated by her doctor.*
Five year olds crave independence but at the same time they crave consistency and limits. This can certainly be a fine line to tread. The good news is, at five, your child usually wants to and can talk about what is bothering her.
Once the storm has passed, take the opportunity to discuss with your child what happened. Don’t belabor or harp on her behavior, instead figure out together how you can help her feel more in control. Hopefully, in time, these tantrums will decrease and evolve into “moments of frustration” that you can both work through together.
Do you have any tips for diffusing or preventing a tantrum?
UNTIL... my son, was born and he turned 3 1/2! I really though I had passed the terrible two's. Boy, was I wrong. Come the age of 3 he was fine, but once he hit the half stage, BOOM it hit! His first real boy whining, screaming at the top of his lungs, everyone staring tantrum. In case you’re wondering, yes, I absolutely want to throat-punch the pre-motherhood version of myself, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you do, too.
To this day, my son is now 4 and he definitely has not gone down on the tantrums. Although, I can say, he has learned to control it better in the store. My children are not those children who throw tantrums over not being able to buy a toy, but instead the little things like "you didn't kiss me first" (if I kissed his sister before him), "I'm thirsty" (after he drank a crap load of water in the car), or crying and throwing a tantrum hysterically if he can't put his shoe on or doesn't want to wear socks... Even after these simple little instances, I have learned where tantrums come from and we are having less and less of them everyday. THANK GOD!
Here are the most common tantrum triggers:
Fatigue: This is probably the number one trigger. Even if your child no longer naps during the day, five year olds still need some down time. Encourage some quiet time during the day. I recall vividly a day in the not so distant past, when my son had a super busy, no rest day, culminating in a dinner soccer party. Long story short, we suffered through agonizing cries all the way home.
He was simply tired and the loss of his balloon was what tipped the scale in the tantrum direction.
Hunger: Again, a common culprit. Five year olds may not recognize yet that the reason they are feeling grumpy is because they are hungry. They need a snack. When the whining starts and you’ve figured out hunger is the cause, say to your child “you are hungry, you need a snack”. This will help her recognize why she is feeling this way and hopefully next time, instead of whining about something, she will simply ask for a snack.
Overstimulation: Ever been to one of those birthday parties where the noise is so loud you can’t even hear yourself think? Next thing you know, your child is a mess of tears running in your direction because someone spilled her drink. Sure, kids love birthday parties but they can quickly become overstimulated and prone to meltdowns.
Extreme frustration (usually in the eye of one of the above): My son had a mini meltdown trying to tie his shoelace. He didn’t want help, he didn’t want me to talk, he wanted to do it, and he was getting more and more frustrated with each attempt. It didn’t help that we were approaching the end of a long day. He was beyond tired.
Diversion was my best tactic in this scenario.
Feeling misunderstood: This leads right back to frustration. Even though five year olds have a fantastic vocabulary and are easy to understand, they still have difficulty communicating their emotions. Help her express her emotions, echo what she is saying, and let her know you are trying to understand. Even if you don’t quite get it, a little empathy can go a long way.
Food insensitivity: could your child have an unknown food sensitivity? If you suspect this may be the case, keep a tantrum diary. Record events surrounding the tantrum as well as foods eaten at or around that time.
Still unsure if your five year old’s tantrum falls into the realm of “normal”?
Here are some red flags to be aware of:
- Physical aggression toward others or self injury
- Frequent tantrums with unknown cause or trigger
- Inability to calm self down
- Your child exhibits signs of low self esteem
- Your child is consistently destructive in the throes of a tantrum
*Keep in mind that children with hearing or vision loss, a chronic medical illness, or a learning/behavioral disability will be prone to more frequent tantrums. Again, the culprit is usually frustration and/or the inability to communicate effectively. If you suspect any of these in your child, have her evaluated by her doctor.*
Five year olds crave independence but at the same time they crave consistency and limits. This can certainly be a fine line to tread. The good news is, at five, your child usually wants to and can talk about what is bothering her.
Once the storm has passed, take the opportunity to discuss with your child what happened. Don’t belabor or harp on her behavior, instead figure out together how you can help her feel more in control. Hopefully, in time, these tantrums will decrease and evolve into “moments of frustration” that you can both work through together.
Do you have any tips for diffusing or preventing a tantrum?
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