I'm at that awkward age... Pregnant or Drunk?

 

     Well, unfortunately, I don't drink. So being drunk is not an option for me. I'm over those days of feeling like crap and with my two responsibilities along side me, I don't feel the need to do it anymore. It doesn't do anything for me and I rather not. Socially, you can give me a mimosa or wine over dinner, but to walk out stumbling and slurring, those days are long gone!

     Pregnant? Nope. Not that either. Although my husband wants otherwise. Yup. Gone are the days of baby drool, midnight feedings, diaper explosions and crying fits. We are now dealing with attitudes, bossiness, homework and boys... It seems easier, but it really isn't. There are so many stages of raising children, when you think you're done with one, another comes creeping on you. I believe those are the best milestones ever. I love this stage. My son is 5, 6 next month and my daughter is 8 almost 9. They have developed a sort of independence and it is so amazing how much they;ve grown into these amazing little people. Why would we start froms scratch again? Why would we mess up our pair? Our family of four? Our closeness to each other? It's already hard as it is to give each child the same amount of love, attention and affection. But for some reason, Jason---wants to start over again. He wants another baby. He wants to hold and feed and be there for this third baby. He was always out of town. He was always away. I had no choice but to take on full responisbility as a wife, mother and college student. If it weren't for the help of my parents, who knows where I could have ended up? I believe everything happens for a reason and I believe if God wants us to have another, it will come in due time. Not now. But if, and when God chooses.

     A lot of my friends are announcing their pregnancies, either being their first or another add on to the familia. I'm just over here trying to keep it all together as a working mommy of a tween and kindergardener minding my own, going for something else that I finally get to do for myself. Yes, graduating graduate school was for myself but it was also for my family. I mean, really doing something completely for myself and no one else. Just me. And I am. I have decided to take on something new. Something I've wanted to do for sometime. Something, I've researched and have had other moms inspire me to do. So a baby can't happen right now. Not at this moment in my life. After I've completed this new goal/dream of mine, then yes, we can start talking baby. If it happens before, I can always come back and start again. What I am doing is not going anywhere. It will be there for a while. However, I want it now. I've started for it now. I've become so fatuated with it, it motivates me to do better. I am 2 months into it and have never thought I would be this far. I am beginning a new me. I am starting a new chapter and most importantly, my closest family members are cheering me on. They ahve humbled me and motivated me even more. That's what makes it even more better.

What am I doing for myself? Stay Tuned...