The men in my life... Father. Husband. Son.

      Growing up, my daddy was my hero. My main man in my life. The one I wanted to marry when I was 3 and the one whom I hoped my husband would be like. He was the kindest, sweetest, most gentle human being I ever knew in a man. Because of him, I thought all men were created this way. I dreamed about finding a man just like my daddy someday and hoped that I would have a son who would be the same as well.

 As I grew up, I realized not all men were created this way, and I made a promise to myself that I would not marry any man who wasn't like my dad. After all, my daddy was my first man. He taught me how men were supposed to treat women. Courting her, spoiling her and most importantly, respecting her. As a matter of fact, I never witnessed an arguement between my father and mother. To this day, I hold strong to that. It's not because he was perfect or that he never made mistakes, no, that was not the case. He was married previously and had other children. He made it clear that then, he was not perfect. He had so much to learn that when the marriage was finally over, and he met my mother, he wanted this relationship to be different.

      I can remember him telling me how much he wanted for me to find happiness and when I became pregnant, there was a disappointment of something he never realized would happen. He didn't feel Jason was that man for me. I felt it. I heard it. I sensed it. He was my father and he has every right to feel that way. During the years of Jason and I's emotional rollercoaster, daddy, made it a point to see the good in him. He understood that no one could share the same qualities he had and that I was a grown woman and had to make my own decisions. Daddy understood that Jason lived a difficult life. His mother divorced twice and he saw quite a lot of unhealthy spews throughout her relationships with men. He didn't have a stable man to guide him and show him how to be a man. This is where daddy comes into play.

      Jason and my dad began to build this relationship. A relationship in which they understood each other. I may not have understood it at the time, but I trusted that daddy knew what he was doing. My dad made it a point to talk to him about God, and how he learned how to be a man without fatherly guidance. Daddy loved sharing his stories, even up until the day he took his last breathe.

     I can remember it like it was yesterday. We were in the hospital room in Florida and we just received the news from the doctor that daddy's blood and platelets weren't taking. That he only had a matter of days. We stood by his bedside and he looked at Jason. He told him "You are the man now. You know what you have to do. Don't do what I did in my first marraige. Don't be selfish. Don't stress yourself out more than what you can handle because you do not want to be where I am now. God has a plan for all of us. You just have to open your ears and heart to listen. You do what you have to do to be with my daughter and grandbabies. My grandson needs someone to teach him how to be a man and be his role model. I know you're not perfect. No one is. I can see a good man inside you. But you have to put God first before you can see it too. Everything will fall into place."

     At that instant, Jason began crying and his face was full of tears. He held my daddy's hand and said to my dad "Joe, stop talking like that. You are going to be fine. We need you. But you're right, I'm the man now. I will take care of what needs to be taken cared of. I will."

     After that, daddy died 8 days later. It wasnt easy for any of us. Especially Jason. He would never be able to have those Godly wise conversations with him again. I never took the time to ask him how he felt about the situation when he just couldn't take it anymore. He didn't understand why God would take such a great man. So, he left. Yes, he left for two months. He hid away behind it all. Taking time away to understand it. He eventually came back strong. He came back realizing it wasn't the end. He wanted to be who my daddy knew he could be.

      Today, it's been a year and three months since my daddy's passing and Jason's willingness to be that husband and father my dad believed he would be. It's amazing how much my dad was right. Jason, is the absolute man he promised daddy to be while he was no longer here. A Godly man that takes care of his priorities first. Jason is a kind, compassionate, loving, respectful man and see's the joy in every little thing life has to offer. Because he carries all these qualities, he makes a wonderful father too. He fills that missing piece of us missing a part of my daddy/their papu. Our kids feel safe and love him as much as I do. My son wants to be just like him and papu when he grows up.

       My son loves being with his daddy, man to man. Whether it be playing video games, throwing the ball outside, going fishing, playing board games or even just hanging around the house together. Five years old is a major year in a kids life. My daddy would be so proud of Jason to know that he has come as far as he has.
     My son is my baby. I know one day I will have to let him go, and that's ok because I know he will take what was instilled in him and use it wisely, but for now, I will be his mother, his rock, and the one "he wants to marry" when he grows up.

      Jason is my rock and my leader. He is my comforter when I need a hug. He listens to me when I need to vent. He is a shoulder I can cry on. He takes up for me when it's needed. We can laugh at the most stupidest and silliest things that make us fall in love with each other all over again. But most importantly he puts God first before it all. He takes the initiative to be like daddy. Not because I want him too, but because he wants to be just like him too. A man after God's own heart. Because we know, we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for God and  that special daddy guidance.