Missing daddy today... Throwback Thursday

Accomplished a lot this holiday... but there was one thing missing... My daddy. We always put up the Christmas lights together, it's tradition, but this year, he wasn't there. We always take the kids to see Christmas lights together and to enjoy the amazement on their faces, but we haven't done it yet, because he's not here. My mom always makes her homemade hot cocoa for him and I to drink, but I had to drink it without him this year. I don't get to see him anymore. Not even to talk or FaceTime. After visiting him and realizing 5 weeks have already passed since I last saw his face, I couldn't stop crying and reminiscing on all the special memories we shared throughout our years together. Should I be over this heartache already? I don't think so... It's like I lost a part of myself that I will never get back. I can't even imagine how my mom feels.

It just doesn't feel like he's gone... especially now during the holidays. But he'll always be with me, in my heart. I love and miss him so very much. The first picture to the left was when I was just 10 months old taken 12/10/1986, the last pic was when I was 27 yrs old (this year), the same day he left to Florida for his cancer treatments and the last day I actually saw him standing on two feet, 07/27/2013. I mean I saw him via FaceTime all the time after he left but I mean his presence their with me physically, was that day and I wish I could go back in time and hold him even closer, never let go and take care of him. I was such a daddy's girl, it wasn't even funny. Those pics are not even half of the hundreds of photos taken of my daddy and I.

I remember being there with him everyday for 18 days straight, never leaving his side. When he would talk about being tired and we needed to understand that if he passed it's Go's will not ours. It was morbid, to talk about such things that might not even happen. I believed with everything I had that he would get better, that doctors were proven wrong all the time. Deep down, I knew this was a nightmare that we wouldn’t ever wake up from, but I refused to acknowledge the feeling. He has to get better. He couldn’t not get better. For a while there, I saw him getting better day by day. And we honestly thought things were looking up. 

Well, he's gone now and all we can do is remember him; his smile, his comfort, his wise words, his love, and most importantly.. his hugs!