Divorced at 25
When my exhusband and I divorced, we didn't know what the future would hold. We had no idea if we would keep in touch (of course for the kids), hate each other or just stay good friends for the kids and each others well-being. Well, I can tell you, it wasn't pretty! When is divorce ever easy? Never. We both knew our marriage was slowly coming to an end because of the miss communication and immaturity we both endured during our relationship as a married young couple (I was only 19 when I became pregnant and he was 4 years older than me). But was it just that we were fed up with each other to the point of divorce or was it that we needed some intervention to help us sort through our problems? Well we never found out because we were left so angry with each other that without any words, I'm the one who initiated the divorce. It was said many times by him, who always ran away from the inevitable, but I was the one who spent my time and money on actually going through with it. Did I want this for myself at 25? Did I want this for my children's lives? Never. I wanted to be this couple my parents are, who live a fantasy romance and have been married for over 30 years. My dream was shattered and I used to beat myself up about it all the time. Was is it me? Why wasnt i good enough? Why couldnt he just love me? Care for me and be the man I wanted him to be for myself and the kids? That was what it was all about. Meeting expectations that weren't there. We were at the time incompatible and I was hurt from all the lies and broken trust and promises he put me through. How could the bestest of friends go from loving each other to hating each other? We both still cared about each other, and we were still in love, we both admitted it but was it worth staying for the kids? I didn't think so. So I did what I had too for my babies.
2012
I was so hurt after he moved out August 2011 (right after our disney world family trip for our daughter's 5th birthday) and because he wasn't around much for a few weeks for the kids and I, it made me realize that he wasn't the one for me after all. Who doesn't see there children for a few weeks? Who leaves without a care in the world? Who puts someone through so much pain and heartache? He did. But I realized this was going on for a while. And we talked here and there only about the kids. Until it became worse.
It was Christmas Eve when I handed him the divorce decree. He was picking up the kids for the night and that's when I did it. It made me strong. It made me weak. It made me real. It made me cry on the inside because I knew this was it, forever. I was still in love with this man after 9 years but because of the hurt and pain we went through, I held it inside infront of him.
He looked at me with shock. He had no idea I was serious. After all, he was the one who always said it after horrible fights and arguments not me. I was the one always trying to bring peace, telling him we needed counseling and that divorce isn't the answer. He didn't expect me to be the one to initiate it. I was tired. Tired of all the heartaches and reasons why he couldn't divorce me but wanted too. So I did. Me.
His eyes became teary eyed and he said nothing. They left, and I went crying in my room for hours. I didn't want this. What was I thinking? Married people argue and fight all the time. Why couldn't we just go to counseling! So, the next day when he brought the kids back, while I was thinking it in. My mind, he asked me why we couldn't try counseling. Finally! To my relief, he actually initiated counseling. But during our first session, the counselor pounded him hard with questions, reasons why and because ld his guilt and frustration of it all knowing the counselor was right, he never went back. We divorced in February 2012 and thought we would never look back. We kept in touch. We actually could look at each other. We had so many problems before, but being in love wasn't one. I still had butterflies. He still smiled every time we saw each other. Something was still there despite our past heartache. The kiddos took it hard but we worked together. What was it? Why could we just move on? For Valentines day I sent him a little something from the kids and to my surprise as I was leaving it at his house, he was doing the same thing at my house. He left the kids a valentines gift and a bouquet I flowers with a card to me. It read "I'm truly sorry, I should have been there for you, I should have listened to you when you needed me, I should have just stepped up and been the man you and the kids needed me to be. Now I lost it all and it's a because of me".
I was single for a while and it just wasn't the same. I was so used to this life with him. I dated. And it was very different. I actually smiled again and had a good time with these guys. But there was just something that kept me thinking of him.Especially when some guys wanted to move faster than I did, and when that time came, it was nice but not the same.They were probably everything I wanted in a man. Sweet, respectful, handsome, just real gentlemen. They made me laugh and I were so romantic. But after the first kiss, I would push them away by being too busy for them. Some understood, but some didn't and wanted more, a serious thing and I just couldn't. I had to walk away.
My ex husband and I kept in touch and as time went by, we began going on family events again for the kids. We began to talk more and one night he asked me on a date. A date? With my ex-husband? What would people think? Am I crazy? I think I was. The entire time we were both blushing. It brought us back to the time we first met. It was so romantic and the butterflies wouldn't stop flying around in my tummy. We had a great time as we always did. That was never a problem. Love was never a problem. And sex was definitely never a problem! We were just so young.
Time went by and today, we are together again. The kids are at their happiest and so are we. We used to be afraid of what people thought, because of our past and our ugly divorce but we just look at each other and think of it as a past experience, to learn from it, grow from it and enjoy the present as we live one day at a time. Is it perfect? No. Has it been fixed completely? Of course not. Do we still have miscommunications? Yes. But counseling is helping us live through it and move past it because in the end we really want to try. We really want to be able to say, "we tried."
How may other couples divorce and stay together? Or remarry? It's very rare but not uncommon, if the both truly want it. We are not thinking of remarriage right now but if it were to happen in the future we would have to know and truly be ready!
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Remarrying
2004
2012
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