Day by day... Hour by hour... Minute by minute

Enjoyed this beautiful crisp Sunday afternoon with daddy.  Unlike any other Sunday before his passing, today was perfect. 

Jason picked up the kids and I for an afternoon drive. We drove in the direction where daddy was. He hasn't visited him yet since we buried him 11 weeks ago as it was too hard for him to bare... He looks up to my dad tremendously because of the man he was and for the father he never had... My dad filled that gap as much as he could and to not have such a powerful figure in your life anymore is a hard pill to swallow. So we collected our thoughts and decided today would be a good day to finally do it. 
 

We drove up to the cemetery and drove down the path that led to the "garden of devotion" where daddy was. He loved scenery and trees, so we made sure to give him just that. The kiddos ran out first with excitement ready to see and talk to their Papu. But we walked down together, to the tree where daddy laid under. It was so peaceful and warm.
 

I looked at all the decor laying around his grave. The headstone isn't in yet as it takes time for it to be placed so there were Christmas ornaments, chimes and flowers planted in the ground around him. I remember coming to visit him for Christmas and that being the last time. It's been difficult for me to make it out here and I'm glad I was able to do it with my family today but there is still this void that I can't seem to get rid of. 

As I look down at daddy, I see sand and dirt. Like if it just happened yesterday. It brings all our memories we shared together back to life. I can see my whole life I shared with him flash right before my eyes and STOP instantly where I stand now... Not a good feeling. I think to myself, "I will never get to make another daddy daughter memory with him again." I will never get to touch him, lay on his shoulder or have intelligent wise conversations with him again. It hits me hard. 
 

It became silent. The kids stopped what they were doing and kneeled down beside him. Jason stumbled and finally stood there with no expression. I kneeled down and looked at him below me. I closed my eyes and whispered to him how much I missed him. The wind blew and I could feel him. It was chilly out, so I felt the goodebumps creep up. He was there but I couldn't see him. Daddy was there somehow, someway and I felt a peace. 
 

The kids stood up, told him bye and blew him a kiss. They actually handled it better than I thought. Jason came to hug me and we wrapped ourselves in each others arms. For the first time in a long time, I didn't cry. I held it in and smiled at daddy below me as I walked away. No matter what, no matter how old I am... I will always be daddy's girl and he will always be with me as I take it day by day... hours by hour... minute by minute.