Family isn't always blood...

"It's the people in your life that want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The one's who would do anything to see you smile and love you no matter what."

Every one of us have those friends that are more like family than our own family. These friends are so much like us and understand us as we do them that we sometimes wonder... 'How are we not attached physically?' Friends are the people in your life who appreciate having you in theirs. The ones who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways, and who not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be.  These people are your real family. They are the ones who truly matter.

Here is a list I live by. Try it, it may hep you:

• Free yourself from negative people. – Spend time with people who are smart, driven and fun like you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Have a circle of friends. In my circle are mothers, young mothers, parents and close non-parent friends. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you. People who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you free yourself from negative people, you free yourself to be YOU and being YOU is the only way to truly live.
• Let go of those who are already gone. – The sad truth is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. YES this means even FAMILY. When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave or leave you out of their life. The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can always count on, even if they're not family. We rarely lose friends, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are. So when people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you. It doesn’t mean they are bad people; it just means that their part in your story is over.
• Give people you don’t know a fair chance. – When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story or journey. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them, and forced them to grow. I've been there, done that and learned this. Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as ours/yours. We meet no ordinary people in our lives... NONE. If you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer. So appreciate the possibility of new friendships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships/friends/family, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet those that may just change your life forever. And better yet, stay in your life for the long run.
• Show everyone kindness and respect. – Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you... because you are the bigger person. One of my friends used to say "You have to kill them with kindness!" I've used this in my life and let me tell you from experience, it works! There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather or mother and the same level of patience you would have with your child.  People will notice your kindness. Trust me.
• Encourage others and cheer for them. – Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are, leads to good places... productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress, especially your closest friends; they need your encouragement, praise and validation. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.
• Be your imperfectly perfect self. – In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self. And when they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same... True story moms. Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress. There's nothing more annoying and unattractive than someone who is living in a dream world of pretending and being fake, rather than reality. Be your imperfectly perfect self around them. They need to see that even the imperfect can live happy healthy lives. We are not perfect for everyone, we are only perfect for those select few people that really take the time to get to know us and love us for who we really are. And to those select few, being our imperfectly perfect self is what they love about us.
• Forgive people and move forward. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Again, another TRUE STORY. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened.  It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life. Those who dwell on the negative and the past are those you want to stay far from. They feed off of drama and can't seem to move on from it. BUT remember, the less time you spend hating the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who truly love you.
• Do little things every day for others. – Sometimes the little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people.  Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. My friends are this to me as are my immediate family; mom, aunts, cousins. There are the others that you have tried to please, or tried to say sorry with positive and meaningful gestures more times than once but those people just can't seem to get over whatever made them unforgiving. Learn from this and move on.
• Pay attention to who your real friends are. – As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones. I especially realized this once I had my first child. Now, at age 27, I have a circle of friends that can relate to me as most of my friends are mothers/parents. Look at it like this... life is like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late. But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess. And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess. Even the one's whom you thought would stick around, didn't. The people who stuck it out, are your real friends in life. They are the ones who matter most. I have and love those friends dearly.
• Stay in better touch with people who matter to you. – In human relationships/friendships, distance is not measured in miles, but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. So don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words. Stay in touch with those who matter to you... Not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of. Paying attention to these people is a priority!
• Allow others to make their own decisions. – Do not judge others by your own past. They are living a different life than you are. What might be good for one person may not be good for another. What might be bad for one person might change another person’s life for the better.  Allow people to make their own mistakes and their own decisions.
• Talk a little less, and listen more. – Less advice is often the best advice. People don’t need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement. What they want to know is often already somewhere inside of them. They just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help them find their direction.
• Ignore unconstructive, hurtful commentary. – No one has the right to judge you. They might have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through. No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks differently. So concentrate on doing what you know in your heart is right. What most people think and say about you isn’t all that important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.

"Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than family."

~Proverbs 18:24