Talking to my daughter about her Anxiety.

My daughter has been taking my dad's loss pretty rough. These past 7 months have been a battle as dealing with the loss of a loved one is extremely overwhelming and upsetting. Because everyone deals with grief and death differently, I tell her and myself sometimes, that it is okay to still feel this way even after this period of time has passed. I actually thought she was coping fairly well as we always speak of him and keep him in our daily conversations. Little did I know that she was only getting worse. 

I know my daughter and I know her very well. I soon began to notice that she was not eating the amount of food she would normally eat. She would also not interact with us, let alone her brother as she usually did. What I feared the most was knowing that I could not take her pain away although I wish I could, but I did talk to her about her emotions and how we could get through it together. 

Throughout these past few weeks and the last weeks of school, I saw a sudden change in her demeanor. There was something different about her. She wasn't her sweet little playful self. Aside from not completing her meals, she wasn't sleeping normal hours and she was very emotional and whiny. I would take time to ask her what she was feeling and was hoping to get something out of her. 

Her response was just short and simple... "I just miss my Papu."

Now, that's a tough pill to swallow for anyone. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. When you think you're going through something because you've lost your best friend of a father, BOOM, your sweet child is also going through something as she too, is mourning the loss of her grandpa and hero. It took time to take that all in. I myself am an emotional wreck and hearing this from my own child, was... heartbreaking.

Her sleeping patterns were out of whack as she would stay up late in her room just laying there or sometimes sitting up just looking at the ceiling. She would ask to sleep with me because she couldn't fall asleep and her breathing would scare her. Just the other night, she experienced her first 'anxiety attack'. All of the symptoms she was experiencing were related to this. I know because I experienced this before yet have learned how to relax and understand the real meaning behind it. Then it happened again. 

At this point, I didn't want to wait any longer and scheduled a doctor's visit. Sure enough, the doctor diagnosed her with being anxious and sad of the loss of a loved one. She referred her to a therapist and grieving group to help her cope better with her struggles of not having her "Papu" around anymore. What would you do as a mother/parent, if something similar happened to your child? I have done some research because I want to help my daughter help herself. 

Here are 10 things I use to reduce my child's anxiety: 

1. Focus on the positives. (memories, new memories...)
2. Schedule relaxing activities. (nothing competitive)
3. Model approach behavior, self-care, and positive thinking. (learned behaviors)
4. Reward your child's brave behaviors. (applaud them for making it through)
5. Encourage good sleep hygiene. (transitions)
6. Encourage your child to express his/her anxiety. (validate and listen)
7. Help your child to problem solve. (allow growth)
8. Stay calm. (manage your own anxiety)
9. Practice relaxation exercises with your child. (different techniques; ex. close your eyes and imagine you are at the beach.)
10. Never give up! (repeat 1-9 and you will help your child succeed)

Anxiety can be a struggle.  

By using these 10 ways to help your child cope through it, you as a parent will give them hope. The hope that everything will be okay because they have you by their side.