I just can't shake it...
Today... Is not just any day. Today is a Monday but it is not just any Monday like the Mondays before he passed. Today, will always be the day my daddy took his last breathe. Today will always be the day that my life flashed before my eyes once I realized my daddy would never be a part of me again. In my heart, yes. In my memories, yes. But never physically next to me again.
I will never be the same, as I was before. Now more than ever, I see life as a puzzle. Every experience we have forms a piece of our life puzzle. When these experiences are combined, they form the entire picture of our life. My Daddy took a piece of my puzzle with him when he died, a piece that will never return. A piece that can never be replaced. I am incomplete without it, without him. We shared memories that nobody else shared, which means he knew me differently than anyone else. It's crazy that when someone you love dies, that part of you dies as well. You can’t re-live that memory with anyone else no matter how much you want it. It hurts. Your puzzle may grow, but you can never get it back. And because of that, I will never be the same again. I lost my daddy, my parent, my hero, and my teacher.
One of the hardest things about losing my Daddy is a feeling that nobody understands. Even worse is feeling different and seeing those differences every single day. When your friend shows you a car her dad bought her, or you see how happy her dad looks to walk her down the aisle, or
you watch a father and daughter enjoy lunch together at the same restaurant you chose to eat at, or even worse, when your friend doesn’t realize that every time she mentions her dad in a sentence of him helping her with her house maintenance, you feel happy for her but at the same time you feel this envy inside that you can’t explain because your dad is no longer here to do the same for you... you know you’re not the same.
So now, I realize that there is no promise of tomorrow. You are given such a small time here on earth, and you never know when your time will run out. Many people don’t truly appreciate this... unless they've lost someone truly close to them. How can they if they’ve never had to think about death? This is why I can't shake it. I will always feel this way when Monday rolls around and I'm not sure I will ever look at a Monday the same ever again. Prayer, meditation, strength, my kiddos and memories with daddy keep me going for if I didn't have these, I wouldn't know how to cope.
I will never be the same, as I was before. Now more than ever, I see life as a puzzle. Every experience we have forms a piece of our life puzzle. When these experiences are combined, they form the entire picture of our life. My Daddy took a piece of my puzzle with him when he died, a piece that will never return. A piece that can never be replaced. I am incomplete without it, without him. We shared memories that nobody else shared, which means he knew me differently than anyone else. It's crazy that when someone you love dies, that part of you dies as well. You can’t re-live that memory with anyone else no matter how much you want it. It hurts. Your puzzle may grow, but you can never get it back. And because of that, I will never be the same again. I lost my daddy, my parent, my hero, and my teacher.
One of the hardest things about losing my Daddy is a feeling that nobody understands. Even worse is feeling different and seeing those differences every single day. When your friend shows you a car her dad bought her, or you see how happy her dad looks to walk her down the aisle, or
you watch a father and daughter enjoy lunch together at the same restaurant you chose to eat at, or even worse, when your friend doesn’t realize that every time she mentions her dad in a sentence of him helping her with her house maintenance, you feel happy for her but at the same time you feel this envy inside that you can’t explain because your dad is no longer here to do the same for you... you know you’re not the same.
So now, I realize that there is no promise of tomorrow. You are given such a small time here on earth, and you never know when your time will run out. Many people don’t truly appreciate this... unless they've lost someone truly close to them. How can they if they’ve never had to think about death? This is why I can't shake it. I will always feel this way when Monday rolls around and I'm not sure I will ever look at a Monday the same ever again. Prayer, meditation, strength, my kiddos and memories with daddy keep me going for if I didn't have these, I wouldn't know how to cope.
In Our Hearts
We thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.
Thank you Rose de Leon for this beautiful poem.
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