Stop Comparing... My True Story.

I absolutely love to see successful marriages and relationships. Just like my mom and dad. Theirs was like a fairytale, I kid you not! When I would watch them as I grew up, I wanted that for myself. When I see a couple that are truly in love like my parents, have a strong foundation built on their beliefs in God, are affectionate and truly enjoy spending time together, this makes my heart happy and I wanted this for me. BUT, that's what we do too much of, COMPARE. We try to place ourselves in this box. A box of expectations that we know may not end up the way we want it, yet we still compare and try so hard to be this. 

When I first got married I had a picture of what I wanted for my marriage but my relationship was the total opposite. For awhile I was selfish. Not in a sense of only thinking and wanting for myself, but in a sense that I wanted what my parents had and every time I didn't get it, I would pout to myself. We were so young. We were still learning about ourselves. We were still learning about each-others likes and dislikes. It will be 10 years together and just because he wasn't EXACTLY like my dad, it didn't give me the right to try to prove that he had to be, if he wasn't. He was him. A person I fell in love with that had nothing to do with my father. A person that I connected with that made me giddy, happy and silly all at the same time. I never felt like this with anyone! Get it? But because expectations were so high it didn't work. Our relationship wasn't like my parents but was it good enough for me? One day, something spoke to my heart and told me that I had the ability to write my own love story; not be a copy of someone else's. This is when we decided to get a divorce; during our 5 years of marriage.

One of the first things I had to do was learn about myself. We had so much in common yet so much opposite. I had to learn that everyone is not perfect... like my parents. Seriously! I never saw them argue. I never saw them sad with each other. I always saw them click and make things happen. I didn't know what the word divorce was until I researched it for my marriage (I mean I knew the definition but I never thought I would make such a decision in my life). My childhood was literally a fairytale any child would want. Because of this I then had to learn to stop comparing my marriage/relationship to others.

I also had to make sure that I put time into my significant other's. After having children, I realized my world revolved solely around them (and that's ok mommy's), BUT your husband should come first. I learned this late. I had that connection with both of my parents. This is where I was wrong and I can admit it. I love my children dearly and I wasn't going to allow anyone to get in-between that, even my husband. We had our share of problems and I'm not going to keep making excuses OR place blame on either one of us, it was both... but because of those misunderstandings and different ways of thinking, my perception of a good wife was to be a good mother first and that put a dent in our marriage. 

Lastly, communication is a must! Open, honest and respectful communication is a must.  I’m naturally an extrovert, well, we both are, to an extent. I am not afraid to say what I’m feeling w/o reservations in a respectful way, yet, his way of expressing his feelings is totally opposite. It's not a guy thing, as all people are different. We both had to learn to agree to disagree w/ a positive attitude. I loved communicating. It's relaxing to me. He hated it as it was overwhelming for him. Communication is always the problem in relationships and if you don't learn to connect and communicate with each other, it's not going to work. You can only bottle up so much inside before it explodes.
Learn about your significant others likes and dislikes. Learn about yourself and what you want in a relationship and don't expect what you can not give yourself. After being divorced from each other for two years this past February, our love has grown stronger for each other. We have grown up to understand our wants and needs and we can communicate about the above without pain from the past. We have started a new. Flourish in your position as a wife/girlfriend and make things happen. Regardless that we are divorced, we have come a long way together. We have two beautiful children together and our love for them and each other grown everyday. No one and nothing can take that away from us. 10 years and counting. That's a long time. You make the relationship how you want it. So stop comparing and make your own love story. We did.