Dating your children... Especially when you have more than one.

First and foremost, what is the meaning of the word “date”? It can bring up different feelings for different people, depending on their personal experiences. However the dictionary’s definition describes the noun “date” as a “person accompanying another socially” and the verb “date” as to “see person socially”.  Let's keep it at that as some may take the word "date" too strongly.

There are many sensible reasons to have alone time time with your kiddo, especially when you have more than one; in my case two. Making time for them shows they’re importance, helping to boost their self esteem. It gives us as mommy's/parents a chance to get to know our children as they grow. Feelings of jealousy and sibling rivalry are lessened as they learn they don’t have to compete for your attention. This is expected when you have one or more siblings.

Dating your child is an important practice to make at every stage in their life, not just when they’re young. I plan on dating my children until they die. I'm 27 years old and I still dated my daddy. As your kiddos grow older and start exerting their independence, it’s especially vital to insist on time spent with them to remain a positive influence in their life. By the time your child is a teenager, you will be in direct competition with your child’s peers, the media, and the community you live in when it comes to instilling values in your child. Scary! But true. Every time you lessen your involvement in your child’s life and fail to spend quality time with them, you are taking yourself out of the equation during important value building years. But when you make it a point to spend time with them, together or in this case, individually, you are ensuring your voice is heard among all the other voices your child hears when making life changing decisions. And that is what I want to be a part of for the rest of their life. The go to person they can trust. Even as they get older and you have to fight your child to hang out with you, insist on at least one specified amount of time a week when the two of you can spend quality time together. It gives them the message that you genuinely care, even if they won’t say this out loud.

Here are a few tips to take with you as you plan some one-on-one time with your son or daughter:

Turn off all distractions, and ask them to do the same. This especially includes your cell phone. Unless you have a job that requires you to be on-call for emergencies, ensure that your child doesn’t have to compete with anyone else to hold your full attention. By making this a hard and fast rule, you are also teaching your son or daughter proper etiquette when they are spending time with anyone whether it be you or somebody else that it is important for them to treat the person they are with as their priority and not the person that is texting them on their phone.

Let your child take the reins on what you two will do. All too often we are guilty of dictating family activities. Sometimes we even choose things we’re interested in, but are totally boring to our kids. For one-on-one time, give your child the power to choose what the two of you will do. If they have trouble thinking of something, offer them a few choices to pick from. A date night can be as elaborate as dinner to a nice restaurant, or as simple as playing catch in the yard. The important part is spending time together.

Keep the conversation flowing. Ask them to share the best parts about the latest videogame they’re obsessing about. Play the “What’s your favorite” game when you both get to list your favorite things, from places in the world to things to eat, and everything in between. Learn more about them by taking turns listing the five worst things about the week so far, and then end with the five best things that happened this week.

Listen effectively. Listening requires more than our ears, but our eyes and our brains as well. When your child is speaking, pay attention to their body language. Are their movements saying something deeper than their words? When it’s natural, paraphrase what they’re saying so it’s clear they are being heard. As it becomes clear they’re being heard, it will be easier for your child to cooperate in conversation with you, as well as modeling proper listening skills for them to give you in return.

So Date Your Kids!
This serves as a good reminder to me to make sure I get some one-on-one loving time with each of my kids, every day. May it also inspire you to find some “special time” or make “date” time with your kids.  



Mommy Son Date this past weekend

 

Mommy daughter Date this past weekend