Until we meet again...The 16 week mark.

Dear Daddy,

I can't believe I'm writing this letter to you.

I guess I never thought about what it would be like when you would no longer be here. You have always been such a key part of my life, and such a steadfast and healthy part; I never let myself consider what it might be like once you were no longer here with us.

And now that you are no longer on Earth with us anymore, I'm struggling to accept it.

Mom and I spent the last several hours looking through old photos, from when I was born, to being a kid, traveling, vacation times, birthdays, with my kiddos, with family and more. As we looked through them with tears running down our face, it was amazing to see how many photos we have of us all together. So many. Dozens. You were a part of every important part of my life so far, and many mundane, everyday parts too. You were there during my pregnancy, at each birthing of my children and for everyday and birthday and more for me and them since then.

I feel incredibly blessed that you were my daddy! I am so thankful that you were placed in my life as a pillar to guide and see me through life. You never judged me. You always made sure I knew the difference between right and wrong. You watched me fail. You were there every time I succeeded. And I'm even more thankful that I was able to be your daughter, to be able to do so many memorable things with you and Mom throughout the years, creating the awesome relationship that I have had with you. Not everyone gets that. But I did. I had the best dad ever!

I don't want to forget a single thing or memory I have of you. Ever.

So many of my favorite memories have you in them. Mykaila feels the same. She misses you dearly. Everything that I have mentioned above, involves her as well. So many memories were made of you and her. We lived with you for a few years after birth and you took on the "father role" for her. She clinched to you. She wanted no one else but you and me. You were the man in her life that she looks up to. She's now 7 years old and anytime she sees a photo of you, she rubs her hand against your face. She cried with a hurtful cry asking God to bring you back from heaven bc she just misses you so much. She feels as though she has lost a part of her as mom and I feel. It's amazing the kind of bond you two shared and it only shows the true meaning of love. A grandpa and his "gorgeous princess" as you would say. And Elijah, poor baby, he's still too young. He doesn't understand that you are not coming back. He asks repeatedly why it's taking so long for you to come back. He misses you too. Although he's 4, you knew how intelligent he was. You always said he caught on fast. Well he cries too. We all do. And when I look at your photos, I go back to that time and close my eyes. 

As I flipped through the photos from every year of my life, there you were, smiling back at me. You were always smiling. Always laughing. Always happy.

That is how I will always remember you.

We are grieving the loss of you - the most amazing man. A devoted husband, a deeply loved and respected father, and an adored grandfather. The world seems a little less vibrant without you in it, daddy.

But thankfully, this isn't the final goodbye.

Thankfully, we share the same faith that this isn't the end. I know we will see you again someday. Your favorite words, "We are born to die." I never understood until now...

Someday, you and Mom will get to take a spin on the dance floor again, while you laugh and hold each other close.

Someday, I will see your smiling face again, and I will hear your big, deep laugh again. I will feel your tight bear hug squeeze again. I know it.

Until then, I will wrap Mom in all the love and comfort that you provided for her in the 30 years you were married as she wraps me in her arms of love and tenderness that you provided for me for 27 years. We will continue to look at these photos and remember the amazing times we had with you. We will talk to you and seek your guidance when we need it, and look for you in nature when we miss you terribly. We will keep your memory alive forever and never, ever forget you.

You were the most amazing daddy I could have ever asked for. You loved Mom with your whole heart and you cherished me with a love not like any other. You adored your grandkids as if they were your own and they will never forget you for that. You loved each of us, your children, grandchildren, family members- unconditionally, and without holding back.

And boy, do we all love you. How can anyone not. You had such an humble soul with love that only God could have given you. We love you so much.

I love you so much and I will miss you every second of every day. 

Until we meet again,

Your loving daughter, 

Joi.