The Co-Parent is really more than just a Co-Parent

Having open communication with your children about their father should be a priority and as crazy as it sounds because you two aren't together anymore, doesn't give you a reason not to mention him in conversations. I make it a priority whether I want to or not, it's really not for me, it's for them.

There have been plenty of conversations I've had with my children ending with them asking if I loved their Dad. It's never a question I'm ever prepared to answer, especially because of the relationship he and I have. At times, I felt that he wasn't good enough just because he left me, I was afraid he would abandon them too. But sometimes, it's not us. It's him.

When they ask me I immediately thought about the times he let is down. Did I love him? Well, I did. And of course I still. For heaven's sake, he's the father of my children! I didn't leave him. He left us. He couldn't take the hardship of such a loss and to think he did it for the right reason makes him seem so selfish. But, of course I couldn’t share this with my children who thought the world of their Daddy, who mistakenly left on poor lack of judgment. I could take care of myself. I didn't need his approval. I needed his sympathy. I needed his shoulder to lean on since my dad wasn't there anymore. How could I love a man who refuses to prioritize our needs first? How could I love a man who at the end of the day left his family in the middle of the hardest time of their lives? I just could. The way I always loved him. Not only because he was the father of my children, but because he too has feelings. When did I ask him if he was ok through all of this? When did I ask him if he needed a shoulder to lean on? I didn't and I give myself the ok for not doing it because I was in the wrong state of mind. Losing someone so dear to me was quite shocking.

But of course I couldn’t share this with my children.

For when he left, that didn’t mean he loved our children any less. It’s been so easy for me to focus on what I feel he does wrong as a parent. As a daughter who had her father every second of every day of her life, I can't imagine my children being without both parents or a father in their lives. I worry and worry and worry however, I know he will never make it an issue to where he will leave them for good. He will always be in their lives whether we are together or apart. He will always be their father and that's something I want for them to cherish forever. Having a father is the most precious thing in life a child could have and I am thankful to have had that relationship with my father. I am also thankful that my father allowed my children to be like his own. They loved him with a passion and I hope with him gone, their father can appreciate the relationship they have, a little bit more.

I stare into my children’s faces, as they both have similar facial qualities as him, and say "yes of course, of course I love Daddy." Because at the end of the day I know deep down he loves our children dearly and would do anything for them in a heartbeat. He will always have a special place in my heart. We were once madly in love. We may well still be. We have an amazing connection. Our relationship isn't like any other. I know he too feels the same way, he tells me this daily. We may have not made it together but together we have made it. When I see them together and I see how happy my children are in his presence, I melt. I love him because my children love him and care about him. And because of that I am committed to their happiness. I love him because we created two absolutely magical human beings together and no one else can ever take that away or take his place. My children have faith in us, and for that reason I have faith in him. We can make it through. He is more than just a co-parent. He is their father. And I will always love him for that.